Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Postpartum Depression: Fun Fourth Edition

After two months of pregnancy, and thirty hours in labor, I was taken away from my baby.

At first, a pleasant aura filled the air. I suddenly had free time I never thought I'd have. I was seeing people that, dare I say, looked exactly the same as the last time I saw them. I slept. People were saying that I was glowing.* (That last part is an exaggeration, or lie, if you will, but that's beside the point. What do I have to do to get a compliment about my natural glow around here?)

Then the second week came around. I found that I had four days off, and I only had plans for one of them. I began to have nightmares in which I was driving my golf cart with no destination. I began finding excuses to come by the office, only to be turned away by the fact that I didn't really want to that day anyway. Boredom consumed me. In my weakest hour, I turned to the habits of a cola-junkie, wasting away with fake, bubbly grape juicy and month old M&Ms.

I began to indeed miss the Fun Fourth Festival.

Finally, I found that remembering the good times will make everything better. So, with out further adieu:

Things I Learned From the Fun Fourth Festival:
1. The later it is in the day, the worse your sense of humor is, and the more people laugh.
2. It is surprisingly difficult to make an inflatable caterpillar more appealing.
3. You will have offended people's very souls if you over staple a tablecloth.
4. The food in hospitality is the best when there is no possible way of getting to it.
5. If we had made a swear jar, we would have recouped all of our spending.
6. After the festival, it is illegal to drive in the opposite direction on a one-way street.
7. The American people will not hesitate to stab someone over funnel cake.
8. No matter how old you get, you'll still end up asking your mom for more tickets.
9. No matter how close you are to the person who shares your golf cart, they will never pretend to be a make believe cop by the name of Rigatoni.
10. There is now a special place in my heart where I hate you all.

Owen: The American people will not hesitate to stab someone over funnel cake.
Robin: Can you blame them?


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