Monday, September 19, 2011

In this twenty-third year of my life I have started to get to know myself a little better. It makes me feel settled to know that there are clear cut lines about what I do and don't like and that I know what those things are now. There are also some things that I just love. I love sweaters, I love basketball, I love pandas. I have also discovered that there are a lot of things that I just hate. I hate the color green, I hate the band Owl City, and I hate carrots. But I have also come to realize that there are a lot of things in the world that try to trick you by making it hard to decided whether you like or hate them. I seem to find myself in this predicament very often. I start out liking something and then for one reason or another the relationship turns sour. Or there are moments of both love and hate all mashed up together so that it is impossible to distinguish which emotion it is that I am feeling. And on my journey to know myself better it is incredibly confusing and painfully annoying.

For example. High heels. I am 5'1," so I will take any opportunity to make myself look taller. I like to dress up and I like to put on shoes that say, "Look at me, I'm fancy and I'm tall." However, there is no doubt that an hour into wearing high heels, I will be cursing the things for making me want to amputate my feet. So I hate them, but I love them. Because I can promise you no matter what those high heels did to me, I will be putting them back on the next time I get dressed up. Another example. Exercise. When my alarm goes off in the morning signally time for me to get those sneakers on and get moving, I want to throw myself out of a window. I cannot imagine anything worse than missing out on an hour of sleep so I can instead sweat and pull muscles and induce the feeling of a heart attack. However when I am done I am wide awake and I feel like a ball of energy. And then when I look in the mirror while I'm brushing my teeth and see a little bicep bulge and I am so glad I exercised that morning. So I am confused all over again. These love hate relationships seem to be around every corner. They are completely unavoidable.

However, I feel like there is one that is absolutely one hundred percent the worst. Online shopping. The initial thought is, how can anybody hate the ease at which we can now purchase whatever we want from the comfort of our couches? But let me walk you through this.

You get online to buy something, anything. I am pretty sure you could buy a tiger online if you really wanted to. You go to your search engine of choice and type in the item you are looking for. Instantly hundreds of choices appear, often times in price comparison format so you are sure to get the best deal. You love it. You click on several options, you are very happy about the diverse selection. You finally decide on the site you want to use. While you are on this site you notice something at the bottom. Free shipping if you spend $50. Your item is only $20. You hate it. But then you see, also at the bottom, other items the website thinks you might like. You love it. You click on some of these items and find deals that you cannot resist and that you would never find in a store. You have to buy these things - to get your free shipping of course. You add these items to your digital shopping cart and click "checkout."

You are now getting free shipping. You love it. Your total cost is now $100. You hate it. You decide to proceed anyway. The website wants you to create an account full of your personal information just so you can buy this stuff. You hate it. You fill everything out and enter your credit card information. You hit "submit order." Just like that all your purchases have been made and will be hand delivered to your home or office. You love it. You check your email. In your inbox is a confirmation email thanking you for your purchase. You love it. Then you don't hear from this website for three days. In the meantime you are strapped to your computer clicking refresh obsessively in your email, hoping to find that your items have shipped. You hate it.

Finally, you are notified that your items have shipped. You are also provided a tracking number which you can use to find where your package is at any time. You love it. One day you track your package and it is in Charlotte, NC. So close! The next day you check again. Still in Charlotte. Same for the next day. You begin to wonder if your package was left in Charlotte. Your imagination begins to craft ideas about your package toppling off the delivery truck in some sort of horrifying package accident. You hate it. Then one day, you come home from work and find an nice brown package sitting on your porch. You love it. You take it inside and tear into it. There is the item you went online to buy. How convenient that something you need could be purchased, shipped, and delivered to you without you ever having to leave your bed. You love it. But, wait. What else is in that package? Ten packs of Hello Kitty pencil sharpeners? Why are there so many? How did they all get in there? You forgot how many you had to buy to get free shipping. What are you going to do with so many little pink pencil sharpeners? You hate it. The next day you realize you want some other kind of thing. You go to your search engine of choice and type in the item you are looking for. Instantly hundreds of choices appear, often times in price comparison format so you are sure to get the best deal. You love it.

And this goes on and on and on forever. It is like torture. I need a tranquilizer just thinking about. I have never experienced such an emotional roller coaster as online shopping. Do I love it? Do I hate it? Is it both at the same time? How is that even possible? I think I just have to accept that there will never be any clear cut lines with me and online shopping. I just have to take comfort in that fact that there are those few things out there that I really love or hate for sure. And that my new boots will be here in 5-7 business days.

1 comment:

  1. How did you miss relating that back to your love/hate relationship with events? Fair food and excitement -- love it. Extremes of heat, cold and storms and long, long hours -- hate it. But bands and adrenaline -- love it. But.....